Between sheets and heavy breathing, I felt sorrow and disgust but I had no choice. It was either I did this, or you left me for her.
Did it prove I was enough?
I said what you wanted to hear, like throwing gasoline on a fire, to draw you near. I wanted to make you happy, to show you, I was there.
But I didn’t have that blanket to keep you warm, through that winter storm you caused in my mind. And I couldn’t find anymore dry wood to throw on that flame. You hated when I couldn’t provide.
I guess your love was gone long before I knew.
Every taunt and tease, you burnt me but I liked watching you smile so I let the flames keep up and lick my skin. I was drowning in your needs. But you enjoyed watching me struggle as I tried to find air.
Did watching me hurt, make you feel better?
You let your flames engulf me, then you turned and walked away.
But my tears came in streams, across my bruised cheeks, putting out the fire before it was too late.
And I rose from those ashes.
I guess I never really needed your approval…
And even though I know you’re gone, I step through those old fire wood coals every now and again. It reminds me of warmth, and how I never want to feel yours again.