So, in my Time-Based Media class I have learned to use technology to create and innovate my artworks. It has been an interesting shift that I would like to share. My latest project is actually a remake of a poem that I recently read by Andrea Gibson. I took her written work and remade it into an audio recording (I will include the original poem below!).
The audio recording is my take upon reading the poem. As I read it, I realized that I was instantly connecting to their words. Enough so, that it sounded like their words were drumming in my head, like my conscience.
I have been going over my gender and sexuality for many years and there have been many things that got me through the harder times in my head. One of them, of course, is poetry. The other two, are music and Disney films. In order to really give my audience the illusion of being in my head, I knew I would have to incorporate all three.
In order to make it an official remake, I have scrabbled some of the lines of the poem into a conversation dialogue where my conscience (me…in disguise ;)) reads them. Two songs (“My Attic” by Pink and “I Don’t Want To Be” by Gavin DeGraw) play in the background closer to the end of the audio, while several Disney characters say inspirational quotes, as they said in their respected movies. These two components are meant to be inspiring voices, drowning out my conscience’s negative poet voice.
Now, just a heads up. There are going to be points when you listen to this that you are going to think…”that sounds like a mistake” or “that sounds wrong maybe they didn’t mean to do that”… I wanted to create as authentic an experience as possible. The brain is not a perfect system and is often known to be controlled by random thoughts. My brain has jumpy and overlapping thoughts that often lead me to ignoring the most important parts of messages sometimes. So, if you hear something that you think might be a mistake, think about it from my perspective. After all, you are about to enter into the lair of my mind 😉
And without further ado, here it is! Sit back, relax and do me a favor… close your eyes and escape. Welcome to my mind. Enjoy 🙂
Remake by Lex Barrie
Your Life by Andrea Gibson (2018 – Album “Hey Galaxy“)
“It isn’t that you don’t like boys.
It’s just that you only like boys you want to be.
David with his jaw carved out of the side of a cliff.
Malcolm, who doesn’t have secrets, just stories.
He owes no one.
Chris, the basketball hero with the tic, blinks fifteen times when he makes a shot.
You spend hours blinking in the mirror, pretending you’re a star like him.
Mary Lavine calls you a dyke.
You don’t have the language to tell her she’s wrong and right.
So you just show up to her house, promising to paint her fingernails red with what will gush from her busted face if she ever says it again.
You’re in the seventh grade.
You don’t even know you want a girlfriend.
You still believe too much in the people who believe in Jesus to even feel desire to its hell threat.
You just want to kick your desk on the way to the principal’s office, slouch in detention,
want to cut your hair and spit out whatever you don’t want in your mouth, your own name, even.
Skirting around the truth.
You don’t yet know the boys are built in their confidence on stolen land,
but you do worry the girls might be occupied with things you will never understand.
Won’t ever, ever be good at.
You take one pretty step and feel, like you’re pouring bubbles into your own bloodbath.
You don’t want a soft death.
You want a hard life that is your life.
Your life at the locker room that doesn’t stop demanding to keep your eyes on the floor.
Your life at the prom, where you run home and a snowstorm, chugging your last pair of heels in a snowbank, realizing you are the only boy you want ever wanted to tear your dress off for.
Your life, the first Christmas you spend alone.
The years you learn to build your family out of scratch.
Your life when someone drags you from a restroom but the color of your coat.
Your life every time, airport security screams “pink or blue, pink or blue,” trying to figure out what machine setting to run you through choosing your life and how that made you to.
Someone often finds it easy to explain your gender by saying you are happiest on the road when you’re not here or there, but in between.
That yellow line running down the center of it all like a goddamn sunbeam.
Your name is not a song you will sing under your breath.
Your pronouns haven’t even invented yet.
You’re gonna shave your head, drive through Texas.
You’re gonna kill your own God so you can fall in love for the first time.
They’re gonna keep telling your heartbeat is a pre-existing condition.
They’re gonna keep telling you are a crime of nature
and you’re gonna look at all your options, and choose conviction,
choose to carve your own heart out of a side of a cliff,
choose to spend your whole life telling secrets you owe no one till everyone, till there isn’t anyone who can insult you by calling you what you are.
You Holy blinking star.
You highway streak of light,
falling over and over for your hard life,
your perfect life, your sweet, beautiful life.”