I spent the first hour of my day trying to figure out what to wear. As an individual who identifies as gender-fluid, these things can get pretty complicated sometimes. That’s when you call in the reinforcements. Which, in my case is the entirety of my mothers wardrobe. Since I started being able to fit into my mom’s tank-tops and t-shirts, I check in her closet often when I am in this type of predicament.
Sometimes though there are days when I have both wardrobes at my disposal and I can’t seem to find anything to put on. Mind you, I always find something to throw over my head. Sometimes I just like to conisder how it makes me feel to wear a particular article of clothing.
I cannot tell you how many times I put on one thing in the morning and then wished I had put on something completely different by mid-afternoon. This might not be relevant to many of you reading this. In fact you are probably all sitting there going, “Why is she telling me about her clothes? Why do I care?”
Imagine this though.
You wake up one morning and you get this nagging feeling something is different. Like someone moved the remote from the T.V. and you have no idea where or like someone reorganized your shoes in the closet by size instead of by season. Something feels different about you. You suddenly feel the urge to cut off your long hair or let those curls grow back in front of your face. Then you start to wonder where your bow ties are or your flannel dress you haven’t worn since last spring.
This is kind of what it’s like to be gender-fluid. You are unsure how you are going to feel for the rest of the day. Plus, neither your closet or your mothers closet satisfies your need to dress either more masculine or more feminine. This is why I mix and match.
I wear certain things to give me that sense of both feminine and masculine atire for an entire day. Like a fancy bracelet with a bow tie or a colourful bandana with my raggady old jeans that are covered in dirt or paint.
Sometimes it’s harder than other day to figure out how you are going to feel, which is why you just have to let it all go and accept it.
Like what you’re gonna wear or who you’re gonna be.