Day 93 – Sunshine and Rainbows

Sometimes we have to pretend that life is all sunshine and happy thoughts and breathe in 1,2,3 and moving on. But the truth is that life is more than just avoiding our mistakes and making them seem irrelevant. It’s about being able to face the things we have done and say, “Yeah, that happened. I don’t regret it nor will I ponder over it. Why? Because in the long run, it doesn’t matter”.

At the end of the day, we have to accept that what has happened, has in fact happened.

I created a scenario in my head today, about what it would be like if every mistake I ever made were to sit in front of me and proclaim itself. That might sound funny, but it was actually a neat exercise I came up with. Because a lot of the things I would have labelled as a mistake, were in fact, not.

They were chances taken, lessons learn or silly side things that never made a difference in my life no matter how many times I thought about them.

So then I decided to take it to the next level. After removing all the little things from list of mistakes, I added in everything that caused me stress out of my mistakes. And I mean, kept me awake at night thinking about it kind of stress.

The ones that were left all made it on that list.

And there was a word for what this meant. It means I have atychiphobia.

Don’t worry, I can’t pronounce it either. But there it is.

It is the fear of failure. That might seem rather broad but nonetheless, it is a very simple thing to explain. You have this phobia when you experience the need to avoid, the need to control or the need to get rid of your mistakes because you worry how it will make you look if other people found out about them.

But getting back to my head. If you want to try and picture what I did, close your eyes and count to ten while breathing in slowly. Then let your mind go wherever it wants. Allow everything you were ever embarrassed by or wanted to push away come back into view and have it sit in front of you in your mind.

You might cringe at the thought of this, but this is your chance to relieve yourself of their grasp. Don’t engage with the thoughts or emotions, just let them be. Show them that you are not afraid to make a mistake or to be the but of someone else’s joke.

Let it go. And then maybe, just maybe, the world will start to seem like sunshine and rainbows once more.

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