Day 69 – Awake again, naturally.

Maybe this sounds silly, but to me my problems are excuses. Like there should have been a way for me to fix things rather than stress about them. Like there is nothing really wrong, I just think that there is.

That’s why I am awake right now. Because I can’t help but think that my problems right now are stupid excuses to get me out of shit.

Trouble is…that’s not how my body feels. Or my mind for that matter.

It’s disorientation taking over my body. Like I am on a never ending cycle that keeps going round and round.

But where it stops, nobody knows.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if our thoughts had on and off switches. That would be great. It would get rid of my frustration at least.

I try very hard to make sense of my problems. But they usually end up like this. I am awake right now and it’s 2am.

Why?

It could be for one of many reasons. One is I could be stressed. Two I could be hyped up on caffeine from my last tea. Or three I just really want to pull an all nighter. I associate some of these emotions and thoughts with work at the moment (Cough, cough stress).

I just wish that I could fall asleep. No one knows how beautiful that would be but sadly I get the feeling it won’t be happening.

Not at this stage in the game. So I will remain in my bed, waiting for the sun to rise.

Awake, naturally.

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