Lex Barrie


I woke up this morning feeling like I had been through some kind of battle.

My mind and I have not been seeing completely eye to eye about anything and I feel like I am reverting back to a time when I used to fight myself internally.

I know I have done a lot of posts about mental health and how to keep ones mind clear of these kinds of battles, but every once in a while I just revert to my old ways. I am not sure if it’s so I can fix them or if I want to hurt myself. I hope it’s to fix them, because I am done hurting myself.

So all in all, I am of the confusion this morning. I want to get up and keep going, but it’s almost like something is holding me back. I want to cut the binding that keeps me in place and fly up above the clouds. And I will.

On September 10th, I start my Psychology course through Durham College online. I have always loved learning about the brain, as I have probably previously mentioned. But this particular course is going to help teach me exactly why we as humans fight with ourselves. Why is our mind a place in which we do battle with ourselves?

Sometimes it’s a lack of self-confidence, but let me tell you, I lack no such thing. I have had a high amount of confidence in myself for almost a year now. My issue is showing it without being cocky to the remainder of society. Plus, there’s social anxiety too.

Nothing I can’t handle though. I’ve dealt with it all before.

I am going to start this day pretending this battle didn’t happen. Why? Because I know myself well enough to know that if I dwell on it, that I will never forget it. This is my new battle cry.

I will probably still duel it out with my mind along the way. That seems to be a thing in life which I am just going to have to suffer through. But at least I know at the end of the day, that I have to try and come out on top. By simply, forgetting it ever happened.

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