Day 24 – I’m sorry

I had a panic attack today.

I was at work and although I was a bit later than usual, I thought that today would be an okay day. I had hopes for it. It wasn’t horrible. I dislike strongly saying that I “hated” my whole day because it really wasn’t that bad.

I was making my usual concoctions for customers, making sure everything was fresh.

But it went down hill slowly from there. I had got a call from my boss up the ranks, saying that she was going to come by and pick up an order. She wanted me to make it myself. I was happy that that is what she wanted. So, I made up 3/4 of the order but decided that the last quarter needed to be warm for when she got there. I decided to make it 30 minutes before the time she was suppose to come in.

She came in 30 minutes early.

Apparently she had tried to call to let me know in advance, but I was busy at the counter and had missed the call. I wish had just made it when I was done the other things, but at least it only took me 5 minutes to make it up once she arrived.

What was stressing me out more was a combination of the following:

  1. Customers were coming in and all ordering the exact same thing in the biggest bags that they could buy. So, I was 2-3 orders behind for over an hour.
  2. My debit and credit machine was down and because of all the people coming in, I had no time to call the support line to fix it.
  3. My boss was waiting in line for me to make an order she had called 3 hours in advance for. .

I was slowly watching my confidence slip out of my grasp. I had been so proud of the first 3/4 of that order. I made sure it was the best damn thing I had ever made.

But I screwed up.

So, on my break I decided to reach out to her and tell her how sorry I was for the service I had given her. I wrote out the whole story in text form but as I wrote it, I started to cry. I sat there outside my work and cried because I felt incapable. I know that that sounds dramatic.

I knew I could do better. I made sure that when I was writing up the message to send her, that I explained that. I explained that I could have done so much better. I know that I am capable. I just lost control.

So I am not sure if I should be apologizing for this, but I am. I wanted to fix this and turn the whole thing around. But there was no way that I could.

I feel shitty right now, not going to lie. But I know that when I go into work tomorrow that I will just have to keep my head up and keep trying. Because I know I can do it, I just have to remember to take a breath, apologize and know that at the end of the day, this doesn’t matter.

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